Summer officially begins today!
well…mine does anyway. i havent been in school in months, but today marks the end of this school term. and i am celebrating along with all of my friends.
we’re going to my friend k’s house on saturday night. there is a sleep over there. of course my stupid social worker made it really difficult and almost stopped me from going to the sleep over, thats stupid foster care rules for you.
but the good news is i am going. as long as our foster mom got permission from our social worker, and talked to K’s parents to ensure that all the kids would be supervised, i was allowed to go.
so yay win win!
we’ll probably have pizza, and fries, and popcorn, and peanuts, and coke, yay love coke.
we’ll probably do make up, and play music loud….watch movies…chick flick and commedies!
i think its gonna be a good night. K is my best friend too and she knows about our did and she knows most all of everything about me!
i think she knows me better than i know me.
well, gotta go eat breakfast now. Happy Friday everyone and thanks for reading!
Emily
Being a foster kid sucks…in every way
Growing up in foster care sucks. Fucking sucks doesnt even begin to cover it.
Never feeling like you belong anywhere
Never fitting in with other kids because you are a foster kid and different
Never having a “real” family, even though you have an awesome foster mom and foster dad
Never seeing your siblings, because you are deamed too messed up and emotionally unstable.
Never knowing if you’ll be moved, because if it suits your social worker, then you could be.
Being too afraid to talk in case your bio family find out.
Never having anyone to call your “real mom” because no one wants to adopt you and even if our foster mom did want it, the legalities make it near impossible and we’d be aged out before it happened.
Feeling a sense of isolation and aloneness all of the time.
Finding making friends hard because we feel so different from everyone.
Yes, being a foster kid really fucking blows.
Emily
Dipping our toe back in…
Its Emily. I havent been here in a really really long time. A lot has happened since I last blogged.
The good news is that I’m still with the same foster mom. She’s awesome.
The bad news is that I got very sick and ended up having a complete break down and ended up in hospital for months.
I’m now being home schooled, again. More bad news as I’d just gone back to school and was just starting to fit in and find my feet.
Schools almost over now for the year. Just a few more days and it’ll be done.
I’ve missed you all. I’ve missed having a place to come and write in on my bad days.
The hospital was sooo scary for me and for my insiders. It was not a great experience.
I am getting a new social worker soon…more good news, as my last one was a pain in the ass.
I’m still in therapy with my wonderful and awesome therapist who has kept me and us alive through some really really tough times lately.
Well, thats about it for now. Please write me and let me know how you are. Thanks for reading!
Emily
To Train Up A Child: a child abuse manual – Please support the campaign to get this banned
This is awful guys. Write to amazon and get it banned, asap! People should not be allowed to sell this stuff!
Can I read you a poem?
This post really speaks to me. Thanks for writing it. Xx
Our friends, and worry over end of term exams
I have to say, I have the coolest friends. All or most all of my friends know my diagnosis. And they’re cool about it. They dont look down on me because of it, no, instead, they accept me and my insiders. In fact some of them are even friends with particular insiders. I love my friends so much. 
I’m worried about school and the end of year exams. I’m way behind in my work, due to being sick lots this term, and also having to spend some days out of school because we had melt downs or couldnt cope etc etc. So now I’m worried about whether I’ll pass the exams. There is a team of 5 of us including me who do school and the school work. The others on the team are Tara, Zara, Abby and Gabby. We are all quick and eager to learn, but I dont know, I’m just worried that we havent studied enough in order to pass our exams.
Le-sigh. 
Emily
She remembers, trigger warning!
she sits in the sitting room with her foster mom. her foster mom holds her as she screams in pain. the flashbacks begin to flood her. she shakes violently…she thinks it will never stop. over and over, her foster mom tells her she is safe, safe…nobody ever said that word to her before she came to live with her foster family. what is safe? what does that even mean? she doesnt feel safe. inside is chaotic. everybodys talking at once. everyone is remembering horrific abuse. she begins to spew angry words.
“i hate you”
“kill me”
“i want to die”
“you dont love me, nobody loves me”
“why dont you just give me back to the HSE?”
she exhausts herself and falls flat on the floor. her foster mom sits beside her rubbing her back…telling her to let it all out and it will be ok. she’ll call her therapist as soon as she is calmed down. this was how it was for us earlier this evening. we feel somewhat better now thanks to our awesome foster mom, and our awesome therapist, who sucks sometimes too, but we love her all the same.
ali
crismas outting
today were goin to see de crismas lights bein turned on
im so sited to go
ar foster moms takin us
santas comin
and we are goin to get ice cream
and see all the lights bein turned on
der will be music
and lots of people be ther too!
i don lik crowds realy
but i want to go to this outting
we took a medcine
to help us stay calm and not freak out
who likes crismas
i do i like it a lot lot
i don know what were gettin dis year
somefin fun i bet
lotsa stuff i bet
well i gots to go now
it almost time to go out
daisy
Being Emily living plural 