Archive for November, 2012

really fucking angry

im really really really fucking mad and angry i’d like to break something or hit someone no punch someone smash their face in i’d also like to do some serious damage to our body im just totally freaking out all cuz our social worker was a total bitch last week telling our foster mom she is getting too attached to us, too involved. well ya know what? fuck her. the social worker. fuck her and fuck the HSE the HSE is a load of bullshit, bull shit! and our social worker can go to hell and give the devil a blow job when she gets there cuz i fucking hate her and she never ever does anything good for us ever and she doesnt listen and she is no help and now she thinks she will move us to another family, when we’re perfectly happy in this one. fuck her anyway. she’s a total bitch and i cant stand her and im never ever going to trust her after this ever.



November 11, 2012 at 1:32 pm Leave a comment

mommys so mean

my mommy was so so mean she hurt me she is so scary i dont want to see her i dont ever want to see her ever again im scared of her my foster mommy says i never have to ever see her ever again but i dont know maybe she is not tellin me the truth what if she isnt what then im so worried i want to believe her but it so hard i am so scared our social worker said she can move us if our foster moms tired and she said it a lot of work the social worker lady did she said so so what if she is going to take us away from this house and our foster mom and put us back with our mommy again maybe our mom said she wants us back i dont know she realy hates us our mom does but what if its all a trick what if that social worker lady is our moms friend what if they are friends and she wants to get us back there so our mommy can hurt us again? im so confused and so sad and scared


November 10, 2012 at 11:17 pm Leave a comment

Hi from me Emily

I am around today. It seems like forever since I’ve been around for any amount of time. Really its only been about 10 days, it just seems a lot longer. Todays been pretty good. Well ok the part of it that I’ve been around for has been pretty good. We made brownies, me and my foster mom. She just asked what I’d like to do and I said I wanted to bake and so we did. We also watched x factor together. I didnt have much of a clue what was happening in that show as I’ve missed weeks of it now. But she was able to catch me up on the goings on. Now I’m just listening to music and sorta chilling out. I missed most of my midterm break from school too. School is hard and cause I am out during school its about all I can cope with and when I get out of school each day my insiders take over. Im not alone in school doing it alone I mean cuz I have four insiders helping me out. It must be hard omn them as they all have to pretend to be me and answer to my name as our teachers arent really comfortable with our being did. Kind of sucks really. Not sure what else to write here. I want to keep this entry upbeat so I wont go into how I am feeling mentally.


November 10, 2012 at 10:38 pm Leave a comment

I wear many masks

I wear many masks
To hide from the world
The parts of me
Too wounded to show
The face of the unspeakable
Broken pieces
One mask to take the pain
One mask to bear witness to the shame
One mask to fall apart
One mask to rise again
One mask to hold the anger
One mask to feel the fear
One mask to give protection
One mask to hold them dear
One mask to seek the light
One mask to live in the night
One mask to reach for love
One mask to seek answers from above
One mask to know the past
One mask to want to live
One mask to search for kindness
One mask to offer hope
A mask for every occasion
We wear our masks to hide the things we do not want others to see
But underneath the masks we are simply trying to be free


November 10, 2012 at 10:20 pm Leave a comment

When she cries

really really sad today. can really relate to this song. feel like crying but i cant. i cant because it is a sign of weakness. i was always taught if you cry you are weak. i wish i didnt feel so weak…


November 10, 2012 at 10:17 pm Leave a comment

Music Sunday, from Ali, this is how I am feeling right now

I am not feeling ok today. In fact my life feels out of control. I feel out of control. This song expresses it better than I can right now. So I am putting it here. Really really feeling so messed up and like things will never ever be ok ever again…


November 4, 2012 at 8:27 pm Leave a comment

Time just flies by

Its Tara, I am 12. I cannot believe the mid terms almost over. We’re back to school on MOnday. It flew by so quicly. Of course we were sick so that sucked, I did not really get any break. I wasnt out very much at all. Neither was my twin, Zara. Now its back to school for us, as we are two of the insiders here who do the school nowadays. There was only us two and Emily, but now there are two more as well. We had to get more insiders on board, cuz it was hard for Emily to stay out for long periods and then Ali kept popping out at inappropriate times, and having melt downs, well ok she had a melt down two times in school. So we got more insiders to help out, so we are less stressed, and then there is less chance of that happening. So far so good but we will have to see how it goes. I wish this weekend would go on for a few more days. I could use a little extra time off. Learning is hard work. And going to school isnt easy most days.


November 3, 2012 at 9:59 pm Leave a comment

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