Archive for August, 2012

this man gives me hope…


August 31, 2012 at 11:56 pm Leave a comment

Something that resonates with me right now-from Ginger

Every flower must grow through dirt.

~ Anonymous

August 31, 2012 at 11:50 pm Leave a comment

It is not my fault

It is not my fault. It is not my fault. It is not my fault.
Thats what I have to keep reminding myself tonight. My head hurts. My head tells me it is all my fault, what my bio mom did to me. Every last bit of it.

My brain is all mixed up though. Thats what my therapist says. She says in no way was it my faults. Or any of our faults. We were a child, we still are.

But I think it has to be our fault. If only we had been nicer, easier to get along with, easier to love? If only. I hate if onlys.

If we’d have been better, our mom might have loved us. Even a little bit. Did she even ever love us a tiny bit?
Our therapist says no. She is incapable of love. How can a mom be incapable of loving her children? How does that work?

See? I told you my brains all mixed up tonight.

Everything wasnt my fault. I just need to keep reminding myself of that fact.


August 31, 2012 at 11:40 pm 4 comments

i miss my brothers and sisters

i miss all of them i do i want to live with them but we cant i remember helping them and protecting them from bad things i would always get them out of the way when she would go to hurt them well i helped with that so our mom wouldnt hurt them worser than she was alredy i do miss them it isnt fair we cant live with them i want to i realy want to ok it is my one wish if i had a wand i’d wave it and make it so we can all live together and be happy with our foster mom i would wanna live with our foster mom cus she is nice and she is kind and gentle and i like her she is so cool she never yells and she listens she realy listens to us all i want my brothers and sisters to have that kind of mom too not just me and us

cassie, age 9

August 31, 2012 at 11:11 pm Leave a comment

its daisy

hi from me daisy i not rote in a long time i just sayin hi ok i havnt got any news to tell cus i not been out in a few weeks it not fair i wanted to come out but ther was no time ther is always no time for most of us i wish i was out more often like every day i wuld like it if i was ok bye

August 31, 2012 at 11:03 pm Leave a comment

School today-first day

So today I went back to school. It wasnt a full day. I only went for two hours. I met some of my teachers. I also met my principal. My foster mom and my social worker went too.

Basically because of the did, and because I have insiders, we had to do that. We’ve made a kind of team, for school purposes. I am part of it. My insiders made it so when I come out, my memory is wiped of all other things. I can only focus on school and working in class and not remember any other things about my life or what I did on any other day. I dont know how they did it but they did it. So far it works. Well today it worked. I was the only one out today. I was out for all the time, the whole two hours. But when it was over I went away inside again, for most of the rest of today.

I just came out a few minutes ago to write this update. I dont know how long I’ll be out. I am glad today went ok though. And i managed it.


August 31, 2012 at 11:01 pm Leave a comment

april on childline

so i talked to april on childline just now she is so cool i really really like her and get along with her it helps that she never asks stupid questions or says any stupid shit tonight i talked about my mom and the recent stuff going on with her that my social worker told me about last monday we also talked about school a little bit and about us insiders and how we are all different and april said that she said our personalities are so different and how we even sound different and we all have differing interests and i think that is so cool she sees us for us as individuals and not just as parts of emily i like that about her i think it was nice she said it to me that she notices differences between us i was also telling her how i got to talk to tara on wednesday evening and i dont usually talk to tara then so it was a surprise we were on the phone for an hour but it flew by i always ask everyone on childline the time its one of my quirks ha ha well now i am going to go talk to my foster mom and spend some time with her so catch you all later peeps


August 31, 2012 at 10:17 pm Leave a comment

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