Our friends, and worry over end of term exams

I have to say, I have the coolest friends. All or most all of my friends know my diagnosis. And they’re cool about it. They dont look down on me because of it, no, instead, they accept me and my insiders. In fact some of them are even friends with particular insiders. I love my friends so much.

I’m worried about school and the end of year exams. I’m way behind in my work, due to being sick lots this term, and also having to spend some days out of school because we had melt downs or couldnt cope etc etc. So now I’m worried about whether I’ll pass the exams. There is a team of 5 of us including me who do school and the school work. The others on the team are Tara, Zara, Abby and Gabby. We are all quick and eager to learn, but I dont know, I’m just worried that we havent studied enough in order to pass our exams.

Le-sigh.
Emily

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December 8, 2013 at 12:59 am Leave a comment

She remembers, trigger warning!

she sits in the sitting room with her foster mom. her foster mom holds her as she screams in pain. the flashbacks begin to flood her. she shakes violently…she thinks it will never stop. over and over, her foster mom tells her she is safe, safe…nobody ever said that word to her before she came to live with her foster family. what is safe? what does that even mean? she doesnt feel safe. inside is chaotic. everybodys talking at once. everyone is remembering horrific abuse. she begins to spew angry words.

“i hate you”

“kill me”

“i want to die”

“you dont love me, nobody loves me”

“why dont you just give me back to the HSE?”

she exhausts herself and falls flat on the floor. her foster mom sits beside her rubbing her back…telling her to let it all out and it will be ok. she’ll call her therapist as soon as she is calmed down. this was how it was for us earlier this evening. we feel somewhat better now thanks to our awesome foster mom, and our awesome therapist, who sucks sometimes too, but we love her all the same.
ali

December 7, 2013 at 11:44 pm Leave a comment

crismas outting

today were goin to see de crismas lights bein turned on
im so sited to go
ar foster moms takin us
santas comin
and we are goin to get ice cream
and see all the lights bein turned on
der will be music
and lots of people be ther too!
i don lik crowds realy
but i want to go to this outting
we took a medcine
to help us stay calm and not freak out
who likes crismas
i do i like it a lot lot
i don know what were gettin dis year
somefin fun i bet
lotsa stuff i bet
well i gots to go now
it almost time to go out
daisy

November 29, 2013 at 4:49 pm Leave a comment

Todays thanksgiving in America, I’m thankful for…

Today is thanksgiving in the USA…happy thanksgiving to all my US readers.

Even though there are a lot of negatives in my life, there are also a lot of positives. So here is my list of things I am thankful for.

I am thankful for my alters, for helping me to survive.
I am thankful for my foster parents, who are always so supportive of me and my insiders.
I am thankful for all of my bio brothers and sisters.
I am thankful for my dog, yale.
I am thankful for all of my friends, who are the coolest friends I could wish for.
I am thankful for my therapist.
I am thankful for a nice place to live.
I am thankful for getting away from my bio family and the abuse they made me endure.
I am thankful to be alive!

Emily

November 28, 2013 at 4:25 pm Leave a comment

Eminem – Legacy

I absolutely friggin love this. Eminem rocks. He totally is awesome.
Ali

November 27, 2013 at 1:58 am Leave a comment

? Kid President’s 20 Things We Should Say More Often

This video really inspired me. I hope it inspires you too.
Emily

November 27, 2013 at 1:06 am Leave a comment

family stuff

Talking about our family is so hard. We’re all so messed up, me and my brothers and sisters. One of our sisters is so messed up that nobody wants to foster her. She’s only 12, and she has reactive attachment disorder. That makes her do things like lying and stealing. She cant bond with anyone. She had a foster mom and she didnt bond with her. Now she’s in residential and she hates it. And I hate it, too. It makes me sad that no one wants her. I feel lucky that we have a good foster mom who really gets it and who really cares. I worry that some day she will say she’s had enough of us and send us to residential too. She says she wont and so I try to believe her. Our social worker came over today. She said our bio mom is still in drug treatment to get off heroin. She’s been there since September. I hope she doesnt get off of it. I know that is selfish but I dont want to go back living with her. If she gets clean I’m scared the judge will order all of us her kids to live with her again. That is one of my worst fears. I told my social worker that I never want to see her again. All she said was that I should give her a chance, that drugs and mental illness prevented her from being capable of caring for us. But thats bullshit in my opinion. I have a mental illness and if I had children I’d care for them properly. Having a mental illness is not an excuse to abuse your kids. My mom doesnt deserve a chance. I’ve suffered enough hurt at her hands. I dont want to give her another chance to hurt me all over again. I want to stay with our foster mom until we age out. I hope we’ll always be part of our foster moms family. I really love her. She’s been more of a mom to me than our bio mom ever was.

Emily

November 27, 2013 at 12:55 am Leave a comment

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