Archive for November, 2013

crismas outting

today were goin to see de crismas lights bein turned on
im so sited to go
ar foster moms takin us
santas comin
and we are goin to get ice cream
and see all the lights bein turned on
der will be music
and lots of people be ther too!
i don lik crowds realy
but i want to go to this outting
we took a medcine
to help us stay calm and not freak out
who likes crismas
i do i like it a lot lot
i don know what were gettin dis year
somefin fun i bet
lotsa stuff i bet
well i gots to go now
it almost time to go out


November 29, 2013 at 4:49 pm Leave a comment

Todays thanksgiving in America, I’m thankful for…

Today is thanksgiving in the USA…happy thanksgiving to all my US readers.

Even though there are a lot of negatives in my life, there are also a lot of positives. So here is my list of things I am thankful for.

I am thankful for my alters, for helping me to survive.
I am thankful for my foster parents, who are always so supportive of me and my insiders.
I am thankful for all of my bio brothers and sisters.
I am thankful for my dog, yale.
I am thankful for all of my friends, who are the coolest friends I could wish for.
I am thankful for my therapist.
I am thankful for a nice place to live.
I am thankful for getting away from my bio family and the abuse they made me endure.
I am thankful to be alive!


November 28, 2013 at 4:25 pm Leave a comment

Eminem – Legacy

I absolutely friggin love this. Eminem rocks. He totally is awesome.

November 27, 2013 at 1:58 am Leave a comment

? Kid President’s 20 Things We Should Say More Often

This video really inspired me. I hope it inspires you too.

November 27, 2013 at 1:06 am Leave a comment

family stuff

Talking about our family is so hard. We’re all so messed up, me and my brothers and sisters. One of our sisters is so messed up that nobody wants to foster her. She’s only 12, and she has reactive attachment disorder. That makes her do things like lying and stealing. She cant bond with anyone. She had a foster mom and she didnt bond with her. Now she’s in residential and she hates it. And I hate it, too. It makes me sad that no one wants her. I feel lucky that we have a good foster mom who really gets it and who really cares. I worry that some day she will say she’s had enough of us and send us to residential too. She says she wont and so I try to believe her. Our social worker came over today. She said our bio mom is still in drug treatment to get off heroin. She’s been there since September. I hope she doesnt get off of it. I know that is selfish but I dont want to go back living with her. If she gets clean I’m scared the judge will order all of us her kids to live with her again. That is one of my worst fears. I told my social worker that I never want to see her again. All she said was that I should give her a chance, that drugs and mental illness prevented her from being capable of caring for us. But thats bullshit in my opinion. I have a mental illness and if I had children I’d care for them properly. Having a mental illness is not an excuse to abuse your kids. My mom doesnt deserve a chance. I’ve suffered enough hurt at her hands. I dont want to give her another chance to hurt me all over again. I want to stay with our foster mom until we age out. I hope we’ll always be part of our foster moms family. I really love her. She’s been more of a mom to me than our bio mom ever was.


November 27, 2013 at 12:55 am Leave a comment

i’m sorry

i’m sorry for being a bitch sometimes
i’m sorry for being angry
i’m sorry for having so many issues
i’m sorry for existing
i’m sorry for being a kid
i’m sorry for not following the rules
i’m sorry for acting out
i’m sorry for not being perfect
i’m sorry for being broken
i’m sorry for the pain i’ve caused
i’m sorry for hurting so many peoples feelings
i’m sorry, just sorry

November 26, 2013 at 11:32 pm Leave a comment

therapy today

today is our therapy day. i’m sooo nervous. i dont want to go! i dont want to talk about our past. sometimes, i hate our therapist, but sometimes i cant be without her for even a day. she allows us to text and email her between sessions which is good. writing helps sometimes. it helps to release whats inside of us. but today i dont wanna talk. i want to hide. i want to deny that any abuse took place. i want too but i cant. the truth stares me right in the face. night after night we’re awake, not sleeping because of debilitating night terrors and flashbacks. we arent coping very well at all actually. i think if it wasnt for the fact that our therapist is very supportive, we’d be in the hospital, in the psych ward. i hate that we’re not strong enough to cope alone. all the things our bio mom said about us being weak and pathetic are totally true. her words go around and around our head. i hate it! i just hope today that our therapist wont push too hard or i might break.

November 25, 2013 at 2:42 pm 2 comments

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