Archive for October, 2012

haloween

i want ask somthing ok if no body else wants to come out can i come out on haloween an dress up as a pumpkin daisy wants to be a princess but i want to be a pumkin so can i if you all want to have no fun let me have some i wuld like to have fun and it wil be fun to go trick or treating and dress up i think so may be you can all just stay inside and let me be out ok?

taryn

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October 24, 2012 at 1:23 am Leave a comment

FML people…

Yes, FUCK MY LIFE. Thats what FML stands for.

Im sooooo very depressed. Depression sucks. Life just sucks. I dont know how much more I can take, really…

I’m questioning everyone, everything, peoples motives, my own motives, just…well, I’m dangerous in this mode. Dont cross me people! I’m ready to kick ass, any takers?

No, didnt think so…

Really though, life is so stressful, stress makes me have melt downs, thinking about shit makes me mad, being mad leads to more melt downs, ug!

Someone stop this roller coaster I want off!

Ali

October 24, 2012 at 1:19 am Leave a comment

the rules are there for a reason

this is to april. april, dont ever ever break the rule i made about not talking to robin on childline again. that rule was made for a reason. reason being robin is a judgemental bitch. she is not to be trusted. she judged us on our condition back in may. i know you were trying to prove to me that maybe she was different now, but do you get it now after she hung up on you without warning when you told her you broke my rule? see? she isnt different at all. she is judging you what a rule i made. she hung up on you. and plus also, she is constantly asking about being multiple, when she knows all that shit. dont break it again. if you do, there will be serious consequences. and that same rule applies for everyone else here, no one is to talk to robbin on childline, ever!

ali

October 16, 2012 at 10:07 pm Leave a comment

O my god, this hit me hard today

OMG, this song, it really hit me hard today. i’ve been so down lately, so lost, so alone, so…i dont know, just feeling all sort of uncomfortable feelings.
today i turned on my ipod, and this song came on.
so i searched the video out on youtube.
see the boy in this video? see his eyes? that could be us.
the look of pain, hurt in them? thats us. thats how we look a lot of the time.
its hard to admit that. but its the truth.
i feel it too, not just the other insiders, i do too, and that is hard to admit to myself or to others because i am used to being tough.

some of the song lyrics that really hit home for me are as follows

nothing to hide
stifle or smother
suffered and cried
strife made me tougher

to think…
I used to blame me
I wonder what I did, to make you hate me?

Life’s a journey
And mine wasnt an easy ride

Ijust wished you woulda reached out
I wish you were around
when I been down

Know that if I ever have kids
Unlike you
I’ll never let them be without me

You see me smile
Now your gonna have to see me hurting
Cause pretending everythings all right when it aint
Really isnt working

OMG, I’m gonna be obsessed with this song now. Its my new favourite I think. Let me know what you think?

Ali

October 14, 2012 at 12:28 pm Leave a comment

You know…There are ways of saying things…

Ok, I know I’m a bitch, I know everyone who knows me, ok mostly everyone, hates me, I know I am not a likable person, I know I dont make it easy or let people in to easily, I make it difficult for people. I own it. I fucking own it ok?

But…heres the thing.

There are ways of saying things to a person without hurting that person.

LIke when the volunteer on childline said last night to me…

A volunteer who didnt know me and who I didnt know…

So I was mad, I didnt know her, I didnt trust her, I wasnt giving her an easy run…

So she says to me…

“It sounds like you dont want to talk right now”…

Except…

I was fucking talking, I just wasnt saying a whole lot that made too much sense.

But her saying that to me. It basically saying in no uncertain terms

“I dont want to talk to you, I dont want to deal with you when your like this”

Well I hung up, I was hurt, but I didnt tell her that. I did tell her before I hung up that the main reason I had rang was cause I was trying to prevent a melt down. Not that she cared anyway but…

She isnt a good person, she obviously doesnt know how to deal with a hurting kid. You know under anger there is always hurt. Everyone freaking knows that much.

I just refuse to talk to her again…she’s blown it now.

ali

October 13, 2012 at 11:40 pm Leave a comment

When?

When can I stop hurting?

When will my life be some sort of normal?

When will the pain go away for good?

When will my heart stop beating?

Someone just kill me please.

I cant take any more of this shit.

ali

October 13, 2012 at 11:32 pm Leave a comment

lizzie on childline and me

dis is lexi i toked to lizzie on childline today it onlie my second tim to tok on childline de last tim i tok to a gurl named laura lizzie is nicer tho i rely liked her we had a gud chat bout lot of stuf i tol her som stuf bout ar mom and her frends and ar dad and i tol her bout hurtin myself to mak myself fel beter cus it help me an she ask how it help me an i tol her den see an den she ask me wat i lik tel her bout de fings i lik so i said tracee beaker dats a tv sho an a book series an she said she knos it she readed dem books afore an den i said o i didnt kno dem was ote dat long and she start laughin an say how old do you fink i am ha ha an i said in you twenties and she said yur rite ha so now i tol all de other kids dat lizzie in her twenties it was realy funy actuly i am gona tok to her agin shes a real nice purson i fink an wen i started freakin ote cus i fot der wer somone at de window she did helped me be ok agin im glad i was ok agin i cant wait to tok to her agin
lexi

October 13, 2012 at 8:12 pm Leave a comment

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