therapy today

November 25, 2013 at 2:42 pm 2 comments

today is our therapy day. i’m sooo nervous. i dont want to go! i dont want to talk about our past. sometimes, i hate our therapist, but sometimes i cant be without her for even a day. she allows us to text and email her between sessions which is good. writing helps sometimes. it helps to release whats inside of us. but today i dont wanna talk. i want to hide. i want to deny that any abuse took place. i want too but i cant. the truth stares me right in the face. night after night we’re awake, not sleeping because of debilitating night terrors and flashbacks. we arent coping very well at all actually. i think if it wasnt for the fact that our therapist is very supportive, we’d be in the hospital, in the psych ward. i hate that we’re not strong enough to cope alone. all the things our bio mom said about us being weak and pathetic are totally true. her words go around and around our head. i hate it! i just hope today that our therapist wont push too hard or i might break.
ali

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Eating disorder shit i’m sorry

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. brokenbutbeingrepaired  |  November 25, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    First, letting you know I ‘liked’ to show support, not because I like seeing that you’re struggling.

    Hoping the session went how you wanted it to, can relate to so much of what you’ve written here.
    Sending you our best wishes.

    Reply
  • 2. Sam Ruck  |  November 26, 2013 at 3:27 am

    Ali,

    there is no shame in needing someone’s help. My girls need my help, and honestly I need their help too. As they are getting healed they are able to help me when I need it, and that’s great! No one ever outgrows the need for a helping hand from time to time and when there’s abuse, the need is more intense until there is healing, but it will never go away fully because that’s just what it means to be human.

    Take care,

    Sam

    Reply

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