October 19, 2013 at 8:26 am Leave a comment

i am really triggered just now. i got in the shower and when the water was coming down on me i started to remember. my mom, drowning me. or trying to. and then i had to get out of the shower. i couldnt stick the water on my body or face. my bio mom tried to drown me on numerous occasions. sometimes she’d leave me unconscious. sometimes she’d stop just before i went unconscious. i remember one time i resisted and she chased me with a big knife. i hate flashbacks. they are so so scary. we are meant to be being baby sat today by our foster moms niece S. S wants me to think of something we can do together. but i cant think. all i can do is remember horrific times in my life when i wasnt safe. maybe i can tell S im having a hard morning. i’m sure she’ll understand. i think i’ll email our therapist and write some of it out to her.
ali age 9


Entry filed under: Abuse, Alters, Did, Dissociation, Dissociative identity disorder, Family, Foster care, Foster child, Fostering, Healing, Mental health, Mental illness, PTSD, Recovery, Trauma, Triggers. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

the pain of never belonging to anyone Every day I fight

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