Do I care if people doubt my did?

October 3, 2012 at 9:36 am Leave a comment

This is Emily, yes guys its me its really me. I know I dont post here a lot. But today I am posting. I am sick, so I am off school and in bed.

I’ve just come off the phone to a girl Lanna on childline. One thing we talked about was does it effect me, or how does it effect me when a person or anyone doubts the existence of my did? And my multiplicity?

It does effect me, I mean I get upset, but I cant say it effects me that much really, and that is because I am not out as much as my insiders, they mainly run the show around here. So they are more effected by it than I am or would be. However thats not to say it doesnt bother me, because it does. I tend not to doubt anyone or what they say. If someone was to say to me I have depression, or I’ve been hurt, I’m gay etc, I wouldnt doubt them. I’d take what they say at face value. So then I wonder why cant people take my did diagnosis at face value too?

If I was faking, I’d have to be a really really good actress. You just cant fake this condition. There is literally no way you can. Its not even possible. And if you could or wanted to fake it, then you are a very sick individual who needs even more help than I do.

This whole thing came about by some comments my foster moms sister was making last Sunday. She was basically saying to my foster mom, why is she continuing to call me by different names, why doesnt she just call me Emily no matter who I say I am, and how it isnt real, it cant be real, its all in my head etc. REally hurtful things, and I wasnt the one hearing them, it was one of my insiders who heard that conversation, and our foster mom still doesnt know we’ve heard it. I’m sure when she finds out she’ll be really upset as she wouldnt have wanted us to know that her sister was doubting us and our reality. But the truth is she was and is, and the truth is also that sometimes its better to know straight up how people are gonna be, and even if the truth hurts, its better to know what she thinks. That is just my own personal opinion anyway.

But basically, when it comes down to it, yes people doubting me effects and bothers me deeply. It also upsets me. I’ve lived a hard life, I may not know all of it or what I went through, but I know it wasnt easy and I didnt have an easy time. For someone to doubt my diagnosis on the basis of seeing me a few times, or for a few hours, or not at all, is not fair. And its not right either.

Emily

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Entry filed under: Abuse, Childline, Did diagnosis, Dissociation, Dissociative identity disorder, Family, Foster child, Foster mom, Host, Host post, Mental health, Mental illness. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Emily-conversations with my 13 year old self Watching movies on my day off

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