i’ve been sooo depressed lately

October 2, 2012 at 7:17 am Leave a comment

i really havent been myself. everyone who knows me is noticing. ok you’d think i know a lot of people the way i just said that. i know a few, well i know a lot, but i really know a few. the few that i really know? they are all noticing. my foster moms noticed too. tara on childline said it to me last friday. she said, “whats happened to the Ali we would have normally seen”? the truth is i dont know. i’m weakening? yes thats it. i’m still me underneath. but it takes a lot more energy to be my usual self now than it used to. or is it that i am less able to care any more? i am not sure which it is. there has been so much going on. i’ve had so much to think about. it makes me so crazy. first my mom and all that stuff. then my sisters and brothers, and how i am feeling we and more importantly i have failed them. then the thing with the volunteer on childline, which i am no longer thinking about as it is sorted now. that there is 3 huge mega things right there. its all getting me down. making me want to do something really awful. hell two weeks ago i did something really awful. i cut. i’d never ever cut before. i just dont do that. and i’m not gonna do it again either. i didnt feel much of anything after it not like I’d heard your supposed to do. so maybe cutting isnt for me. i really really dont want to meet our social worker today. its making me physically ill thinking bout it. please anyone who reads this think of us at 4 PM. ok? thats when we’re meeting her.

ali

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Entry filed under: Abuse, Alters, Bio mom, Biological parents, Childline, Depression, Dissociation, Dissociative identity disorder, Family, Foster child, Foster mom, Inside kids, Parental abuse, Self harm, Self injury, Social worker. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

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