i’m so fucked up

September 12, 2012 at 5:00 pm Leave a comment

i’m not ok. i’m really not ok. i did something i’ve never done in my entire life today. i am always angry. i always use words to hurt people. today i hurt myself. i didnt hurt anyone else. nobody understands. i was hurt by what happened last night on that childline call. it all got too much for me. i guess i was thinking too much about stuf. and i hurt myself. i cut. yes you read right. i destroyed our arms. we needed stitches. 15 of them. its ok it has been dealt with. we went to the hospital and got the stitches. sometimes, its easier to hurt yourself. i could only reason i am not worth anything to anyone. i am not worthy of time or anyones energy and i dont deserve to be listened to or cared about. i am not worth emotion. so i picked up a knife and i cut. because when you arent worth anything to anyone its easy to hurt yourself. what does it matter ifi you do. nobody cares. least of all me. the weird thing is i didnt really feel better afterwords. i felt nothing. when we drove to the hospital i just stared out the window. i didnt talk on the way there. i looked at my arm too which was wrapped in a towel. but i didnt talk and i didnt cry. i was numb. i’m still numb.

ali

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Entry filed under: Alters, Childline, Cutting, Foster child, Foster mom, Inside kids, Medical, Self harm, Self injury. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

Quote on forgiving yourself Nights like this

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