hurt by a childline volunteer

September 12, 2012 at 3:56 am Leave a comment

i am really hurting. something bad happened on our last call to childline. it wasnt my call, it was aprils call. but i was watching as i always do when anyone younger than 9 talks to anyone on childline. so i saw everything that took place. it was really weird what happened. the girl, she said to april, i have to let you go. 10 minutes into the call. that hasnt ever happened before. she said i have to do something, but you can ring back if you want. but i need to let you go. and she said goodbye and hung up. the thing is april was so traumatised by that, but she said nothing. she just said ok and said goodbye. she was too upset to do or say anything else. when she came off the phone she said no one likes me because I am not cute, and I am crazy. then she started to cry and went away inside. i know your all probably thinking whats the big deal. but it is a big deal. i trusted this person. i trusted her and i opened up to her about my thoughts, about our life, and i even read poetry to her. i even read my writing out loud. and she did this to april. and i am left to wonder why. why would she do that? is it because april triggered her? is it because she doesnt like her? is it because someone wanted her for somethhing and she had no choice? is it because she was being supervised and she didnt want to talk? i dont know. what i do know is i am hurting. i am sad. my heart hurts. i am upset. i am triggered. i care about her. yes shock of shocks i care. and i even cried about it. i did ring back to try to talk to her again. cause i wanted to sort it out. i want to go back to how it was before. i want us to be able to be buddies again. i still trust her. i think she had a good reason. ihope she did. i want things to go back to being ok. i really really do. i just dont wanna hurt any more. i cant sleep. everything hurts. i had a huge melt down earlier tonight. i messed our whole room up. i couldnt take any more. it was all too much. then i kind of felt numb afterwords, not better. it did not help me to get angry. not like it ususallyd oes. i just felt so sad. sophie, that was the girl on childline, she said last week she liked me, i am talented, i am interesting, i am funny, she liked me. she wanted to talk to me not because she had to but because she likes me. that meant so much. but now i am wondering is it true? did she mean it? i want to believe she did. i just want to believe something happened to make her do what she did tonight. i want to believe she had a valid reason. and i want to believe next week we’ll sort it out. and things will go back to how they were before. i hope so anyway.



Entry filed under: Alters, Childline, Inside kids. Tags: , , , , , , , .

what the hell? from april

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