thinking out loud

September 4, 2012 at 11:20 pm Leave a comment

ok, so heres the thing. i think too much. that is what i’ve decided. i am always trying to figure stuff out. mostly i cant figure things out. no matter how hard i try. it drives me freaking nuts. it really does. but i keep trying, in the hopes that i might fiture things out. by things i mean all the stuff that happened, i want to know why. why did it all happen? and why to us? what was it about us that made us so horrible? so unlovable? so unworthy of love? why was it our mom and dad abused and hurt us? that is what i really want to know. i dont think im ever going to figure it all out though. sometimes i think im getting kind of close to figuring out some things. but then something else happens, and i have a set back. i hate that. sometimes when i talk to people on childline, i try to figure things out with them. i can only do that with some people though. the ones who i trust to tell that stuff to. its not everyone i can trust to tell the things that my mom and dad did to either. it takes a while for me to build up trust but when i do build up trust with someone i am able to really open up. sophie called it testing tonight. she said i test the waters, test people on childline, so see what they are like, and if they will be someone i can trust eventually. i suppose she is right. sometimes i do that. and there are some people on there who i will absolutely never ever talk to, either because i dont like the sounds of them, or i’ve listened to them talk about childline and i didnt like how they handled a call, or just because they’ve said or done something stupid and i just cant get along with them for whatever reason. and hey thats ok, too. i am kind of rambling now though arent i? i’d better shut up.

ali

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Entry filed under: Alters, Childline, Coping, Inside kids, Life with did. Tags: , , , , , , , .

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