Tonight my thoughts are dark

September 3, 2012 at 12:07 am Leave a comment

I want to hurt. I want to cut. I want to burn. I want to but I probably wont. If I write it down maybe the thoughts will go away. I just need the release. I need to see the blood. I need to feel it dripping from my arms. I know its totally sick isnt it? But it calms me. It eases my memories. It makes them go for a while, even for a few minutes. I just want the release cutting allows. I need it. Things are not good here tonight. Dark thoughts race through my brain, they eat me alive from the inside out. I cant cry, its not allowed. I cant let the pain show. I need to keep it hidden. I am good at that. That is why I cut. It lets me release the pain on myself. No one else has to see if I dont want them to see. I can just cut in a place no body can see. On my stomach, or lower legs, then cover the cuts up. I am just so miserable tonight. Razor blades and knives are my friends. I need to keep away from the kitchen, the thought of picking up a knife and using it is really strong. But I guess someone here is going to tell our foster mom about me. They always do. Then she will be on the look out for anything suspicious.



Entry filed under: Alters, Cutting, Foster child, Foster mom, Inside teens, Self harm, Self injury. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

story time My head is loud

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