Whirlwind of flashbacks

August 15, 2012 at 12:47 am Leave a comment

My moms voice is in my head. Bad girl, you are a nothing. You are ugly. Ugly girls do not deserve love. They dont deserve to be happy. You dont deserve to be happy. You dont deserve help. You are a nobody. You dont do anything right. You are horrible, I hate you. You are an inconvenience. You are unlovable. You are dirty. I am ashamed of you. You are mean, nasty, rotten. You are a disgrace.

I hear all this inside my head. Its loud in there. I dont like it. But I cant stop it from happening. I am rooted to the spot. And my thoughts race.

My mom hated me. I was only an inconvenience to her. She didnt want me. I only wanted a mom, I only wanted someone to love me.

I am sad. My heart aches. Everything hurts. My insides hurt. Its better if I numb myself.



Entry filed under: Abuse, Bio family, Did, Dissociation, Dissociative identity disorder, Flashbacks, Host, Host post, Memories, MPD, Multiplicity, Triggers. Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

Raggy doll! Its ok to be who you are! bedtime

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