If you were not loved, how can you love?

August 10, 2012 at 1:58 am 2 comments

I asked this question on childline tonight. I’ve asked a few people now. I am tryin to figure it out. If no one loved you when you were young, growing up, how can you ever love anyone? And if you do love someone, is it really love? How do you know? How will you know when you feel love for someone? I think I love my foster mom. But how do I know it is love? They say love conquers all. But does it? If you werent ever loved growing up, and then half way through someone says they love you and tries to love you, but you are unable to love them back because you are too damaged, too broken, ok I dont know what I am trying to say here. Its all coming out wrong. Love is so confusing. I just want to know the answers. I hate trying to figure them out. It frustrates me. But tonight the girl on childline, she asked me about my friends. And I told her our friends know about us, they know we’re multiple. And they are cool with that. So she said do you think that is love? They are showing you love by being ok with your multiplicity? And yes I think it is love. But I dont know? Is that love? I suppose it is because they are accepting of us. All of us. Last night another girl on childline said you can love someone but fall out with them but you can still love them. And if you argue it doesnt mean they dont love you or you dont love them. See thats where it gets hard. If I argue with someone, I think they hate me. Its what goes through my brain. They are not talking to me, they must hate me. Its a lot to think about and it makes me crazy.

Ali

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Entry filed under: Alters, Childline, Foster child, Foster mom, Inside kids, Insiders. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , .

Cutting and the hospital To all our abusers, fuck you

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Ruth  |  August 10, 2012 at 5:11 am

    When someone disagrees with you, it doesn’t meant they have rejected you (I am learning this – it’s something I struggle with too!). YES you can love and yes you can be loved, it’s just harder to let your guard down when you have been so used to getting hurt. It’s a process and you’ll get there xx

    Reply
    • 2. Ali  |  August 10, 2012 at 5:48 am

      i hope its true i just dont know its so hhard to understand it and stuff

      Reply

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