Failure is not an option

August 9, 2012 at 10:25 pm Leave a comment

“Failure is not an option”

A message our mom drilled into us. We must succeed. We must not fail. Its not allowed. Its wrong and its bad. And we’re bad if we fail. We must succeed. We’re not good enough, never good enough. We were a mistake. She wanted a boy, not a girl. If we were a boy things might have been different. We might have had a different life.

Tonight is a bad night. We are switching a lot. We cant seem to stop switching. Chaos has taken over. Our mind is in turmoil. We’re in turmoil. Things are just chaos inside. I feel like I am drowning. I’m attempting to keep my head above water, swimming, trying to grasp at the surface. It isnt working. I’m drowning. I’m failing.

“Failure is not an option”

There it is again, that message, loud and clear, those words out of my moms mouth. I wish I couldnt hear her voice. It haunts me. It makes me crazy.

Emily

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Entry filed under: Abuse, Bio family, Biological family, Flashbacks, Host, Host post, Memories, Switching, Triggers. Tags: , , , , , , , , .

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